And so it is

Clove flavored mints,
weary jaws.
Hair undone, spread all over
getting in between
ears and headphones.

Supine,
days ahead
all planned out-meetings
with people who meant
a lot, a long time ago.


Superfluous lights shine down on
me, all flotsam and jetsam.

Ok, first and foremost, today is a VERY VELA day. I am also going through the one of the most unbelievable mood swings. This is the second post for the day *i need consultation, give me the number of a decent psychiatrist somebody*

I have never felt this anxious in my life. Most of my friends are working and although they are complaining about the tortuous training sessions they need to sit through and the work they have to do (save A who gets to research on civilizations), I'm certain its better than this homeo-stasis that I cant extricate myself from. Serves me right. Acting all pricey by not sitting for corporate placements! Miss I'm going off for a phd!

My girlfriends seem to have absolutely no regard for the fact that I'm still single and keep raving about how good it feels to have a settled life. You just end up feeling like a freak when they celebrate their monthly anniversaries and plan their lives so that it may be convenient for "the both of them". Sigh. Sweet stuff. Very annyoing too. I could still enjoy my singlehood if I'm not constantly reminded about happy couples.

I just need "ooh-oo child" to be sung to me. Or maybe I want to sing "you oughta know" under somebody's window. Has anybody wronged me?

I would be a fool to wish that things in life be certain and that I may be in control of everything. As I toss around each night, unable to sleep, way too anxious about what is to come next, I find myself searching for them 'constants'.

Constants. What you'll always have. What can't be taken away from you. That even when life pulls a horrible trick on you, you can just hold onto them and mock it in the face. My little survival kit, my defining characteristics.

At the same time I want to be wary of those who aren't here for good. No, I don't mean I don't want them. I just want to be able to identify them. To let myself know who I can let in and who I should not depend on.

It could be a futile activity. They say everything in life is ephemeral. I'm just sick of being vulnerable and being guided by the vagaries of fortune. I need to get my act together and move on. And decide who and what all I should choose to take with me.

Here we go again

sometimes the toughest bit about life is that it needs to be lived. the 'hours' have to be spent. there may be nothing to look foward to, but you just have to go on. like a game which gets obscenely boring and tiresome and meaningless but quitting is just not an option.

maybe the above is just a result of a prolonged lack of connection, seinfeld, grey's anatomy and scrubs. aggravated by a lassitude which translates into a lack of initiative to socialize.